Have I created a monster?

A conversation I had with a friend (another new mommy) the other day really made me think. We were talking about how much you can worry about how your actions and seemingly simple decisions could really have an effect on your baby in the long run. You really start to feel nuerotic when you start obsessing over vaccinations, introduction of solids, pacifiers, sleeping situations, the list goes on. Given the current sleeping situation that we are in, or not in because there is very little sleep to be had, I've started to question my instincts. Have we as parents inadvertently done something along the way to set him up for failure when it comes to night waking? Have I created a monster by giving in and cuddling him when he cries at 12 and 3am? It has been suggested that I use the Ferber method but there has to be something else, something less heart wrenching than listening to your baby scream his head off for an hour. I sort of wish that we hadn't been so spoiled in the first four months with the sleeping through the night because now I know what it's like to have a well rested, contented little baby and mommy/daddy. If he had been doing this all along, I'd be used to it by now. I keep asking myself, what can I learn from this stage? I think one of the biggest things I've learned thus far is that nothing is on my terms when it comes to making him do anything. I can't make him sleep through the night, I can't make him stop crying - I can only comfort him in hopes that he will calm down when he's been soothed. I cherish every little thing that he teaches me, everyday.

Our Bedtime Stories

Today we made a quick jaunt to the library to check out the selection of infant appropriate books. Glad to report we came away with five books that I plan on using for bedtime stories. This activity, I'm sad to say, has fallen by the wayside in the past. Reading to him at bedtime (and other times) was a strong goal of mine to achieve and I hope to pick it back up again. I love to read, and my parents read to me when I was a baby up through adolescence. Tonight I gave him a relaxing bath and then read to him from three short books. He seemed  thoroughly entertained while I read to him. One of the books was a touch/feel book which he hasn't quite caught onto yet but I enjoyed it myself. I think I had the preconceived notion that there wasn't much point to reading to him at this age because he would just try to eat the book, but after tonight I feel confident that he actually got something out of it. And if nothing else, at least I had fun. I'm fully aware that before we know it he will be reading us bedtime stories.

The Art of Silence

As I was putting Little Mister to bed tonight I reflected upon the art of silence. Dwelling in a two-story condo means the dreaded creaky floor. This combined with my clumsiness and the ringing phone can obviously set one up for failure when it comes to the bedtime ritual. He was fast asleep in my arms, when I stood up from the rocking chair. Ever so carefully I transferred his precious head from the crook of my arm to my hand. Avoiding the well known creaky spots in the floor I lowered him onto the mattress. So far so good. Rubbing his head against the mattress he situated himself comfortably all the while still sleeping. Just as I was retrieving my arms from the crib, my clumsiness kicked in. Smack! My elbow against the railing. His swaddled legs fly up in the air and hit the mattress with a poof! Still sleeping. I tip-toe my way out of the room only touching on one creaky spot. I slowly close the door, taking care to turn the door handle before fully shutting the door. Just as the door was closing, the phone rings. I linger outside his door wondering if the whole thing has been derailed. Not hearing a disturbance I continue down the stairs. Tonight's bedtime, a success.

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From November 17, 2009

I'm hoping I actually have time to keep up this blog. I think it is a fantastic idea to have a place to put my thoughts and feelings into words, even if I'm not as witty or clever as I'd like to be.

So here's where I'm at right now: Little Mister is 6 1/2 months old, he's rolling everywhere which I realize is nothing compared to what it will be like when he's crawling and walking. Today he rolled himself into the TV stand's glass shelf and it was the first time he made himself cry. I felt sorry for him but also partially blamed myself for not moving him before it happened. Honey and I are still working opposite shifts 4 days a week which is difficult but necessary in order to avoid paying for child care. We cherish our days off together.

Motherhood has changed my life in more ways than I could have ever imagined. It's the most amazing experience and literally changes EVERYTHING. As I learned the other day while watching a movie, it has even changed that. Don't get me wrong it's all for the better. My family is the center of my universe.